Touts Out! The Billy Connolly saga - 14th March 2008

It took little over three hours until fans walked away, hung up their phone or threw their PCs out the nearest window in abject despair.
Those fortunate enough to bag tickets for Billy Connolly's show at the Millennium Forum will be noticable around town for the air of smugness enveloping them.Those who didn't manage to get sorted for tickets on Monday morning were left frustrated, disappointed and, in many cases, angry.There were complaints that staff at the Millennium Forum let the phones ring off the hook or that they were constantly engaged. Others complained about the website operating ever so slowly and the inability of Connolly enthusiasts to get tickets online.I find it hard to believe that staff at the Forum would simply let phones ring off the hook and that the 'curse of the unanswered phone' was due to staff dealing with customers in person. At least, I hope that was the situation.It is also unfortunate that the Forum's computer system was unable to deal with the sheer volume of traffic during that three hour period. A collegaue of mine was exasperated at the sheer number of times the website froze at the crucial moment - at one stage he even got as far as picking which seats he most wanted, only to be let down again. He toiled all morning - as well as continuing on with his work it must be added - but it was the same story time and time again'Take your oil'None of the above, however, are what annoyed people the most. The people of Derry are well used to coping with, and getting over, disappointment quickly. That is why the phrase 'Take your oil' is so popular. What we deal less well with is being exploited or held to ransom by grubby, little chancers. We can't stick that at all.So, while it's fair to say that those who got up the earliest and queued the longest deserve their tickets, those who gobbled up tickets with the sole intention of selling them on for substantial profit should be strung up.If somebody bought six tickets for family and friends and then somebody drops out, it is fair enough for them to sell on the remaining ticket. Personally, I would sell it on at market price and then hope somebody would have the decency to chuck an
extra tenner in my direction for doing them a favour.If somebody buys twenty or thirty tickets - in full knowledge that they only need a few for family/friends - and then proceed to sell on the surplus 25 at two or three times the market value, then that is pretty despicable.Some might say it's 'fair game', that 'we live in a capitalist society' and, 'if you don't like it then bugger off to communist China'.I'm not anti-capitalism or an overly 'trendy lefty' as I heard it eloquently put once, but those people are simply taking advantage of others' misfortune. And that's really low.The touts aren't using any skill to make their profits - they have neither created anything, nor worked hard at anything but they could soon be rolling in the money.It's a difficult situation to stop because it is now a seller's market and people will want to get their hands on the tickets.
But it would be a wonderful glorious thing if the general public refused to play ball and simply said; “Hold on a second, Connolly hasn’t been particulary funny in years and I already have his ‘Best of’ DVDs. Screw the touts - I’m not going”.A great wit on the ‘Journal’ website left a comment suggesting that you’re better off not going to see the show.He suggests that the Big Yin himself can’t believe that there are still people out there willing to pay money to watch him “mince around in black and give it the bigun about shipyards”.Ah, it’d be fantastic if the little chancers who paid up to £800 in advance for twenty tickets were left with eighteen they couldn’t sell.It would make my year but, unfortunately, I can’t see it happening.